Independent relationships: “Yours Truly”

When was the last time you’ve had an independent experience of yourself? Of your thoughts, your emotions. When was the last time you’ve updated your belief system to custom settings? Is your reality constructed on your own set of values?

When was the last time your beliefs required no justification or validation from external environment to support their reality?

In order to have truly independent relationships, we must firstly have an independent relationship with ourselves. This means to take ownership over our unique personal experiences. To be observant of them, to tune into them. To understand our individual reality as the kingdom and queendom in which we alone rule.

This will become a reference to how we communicate our personal boundaries and simultaneously express our autonomy.

…and listen. Attentively — listen to what’s been communicated to us every step of the way, as to not confuse the No and the Yes coming from our inner being. This is to say “Stay still until you are divinely moved”. When we are divinely moved our entire being becomes yielding, our desires become like a running river though any possible obstacles, if any appear at all.

Standing still — is so much more than that. It’s about witnessing our own nature in self sufficiency, knowing that everything is already present within your reality, every knowing, every answer, every feeling, every purpose. We don’t have to convince ourselves into feeling anything — the feeling is either there or it isn’t, it just needs to be recognised. It’s about acknowledging what is already there, even if it’s absolutely nothing. No need to be causing the movement and stirring your own pot, but witnessing it once it naturally happens.

We can’t communicate a Truth that we aren’t fully aware of, therefore we must be made aware.

When was the last time you could stand firmly in your feeling of Love and Joy or Sadness and Anger without justification and say — this is now my experience of myself, this is how I feel. I am my own source. It’s not about what people say to me, or feel for me, or do for me that makes me love them. I cannot be made nor manipulated into feeling. I cannot be manipulated into giving more of myself than I am willing to give on my own terms.

Another’s reality doesn’t have to become my reality, nor it makes my reality neither valid nor real. As such, it also doesn’t invalidate my reality or my personal experience. Our realities can co-exist in their differences. I can also filter their reality and communicate my boundaries if necessary. This is to say, I always have a choice. What is true for me, doesn’t have to be true for you, and it can even be partially true.

Loving people just because they love you, is a thin kind of love — not loving them because they don’t love you, just as much. At least love should be self sufficient and without a narrative.

And vice versa.

How can i trust commitment of a person who isn’t committed to themselves? What is true about their love, if their love stands on fragile feet of my own manipulation, if i anyhow influence the choice they make? What is true about their love, unless they are their own source? How can I trust the commitments of a person who relies on me — to tell them what to want or feel? So then, do they really love me as I am, or do they in fact, love the idea of being loved by me? Does that mean that their love and desires only depend on my actions? See, when you understand yourself as your own source, you can stay in love as long as you want, simply because your Love doesn’t require validation and therefore cannot be disproved.

When is the last time you understood “I am not a reflection of your feelings or desires. These are my feelings. These are my desires. It not only matters how you feel about me, but also how i feel about you. ”

In terms of relationships, our mutual commitment is only a matter of our commitment to ourselves. It’s about my commitment to my choices and my well-being. What good is the feeling without a decision? And in that sort of fidelity, one can only be unfaithful to their own truth and principles and choices. In this way i can never betray you, I can only betray myself.

In other aspect, I can hope that what you want is me and I have the right to my own desires, but in order to receive you in your Truth - i must remain unattached to how I want things to be, in regards to the outcome, or to your ideas and wants. It’s cheesy but nonetheless true when we say “if you love them — let them go” This means that I am letting go of responsibility for how people feel about me. I can only speak for myself. I let them go, because building relationships on lies is beneath me. It’s beneath me, because no matter what people want for themselves I am enough.

Love is enough to itself. Truth is enough to itself. There’s no need to put Love in a context, nor to influence the way another experiences our connection for the experience to be legitimate.

What do you want? I am asking you to be truthful to yourself. I am asking because I want you to see what’s in your heart. I know how I feel. I know what I want. I know what kind of choices i am making and for what reasons and purpose. Can you say the same? Are you unbiased?

When you come in terms with yourself and your desires, you can then decide whether to pursue a relationship or not, and you’ll be able to allow the other person to do the same without your interference. I like the idea of my partner going after what they really want, and what truly pleases them. Surely, this doesn’t mean to pursue relationships in which you’re the only one making the effort, we have to consider and respect each other’s standpoints.

Your and your partners truest desires and feelings must come into alignment for a quality relationship to happen. Surely, it’s rather unattractive when someone shows minimum interest. But this will most definitely mean, that once this alignment happens, both individuals in question will be firmly present in their individual emotional reality and stand behind the choices they are making. The terms on which you build your relationships will be different, and so much more of what you truly deserve.