Pursuit of happiness: “Who is The One…really?”
Shout out to Mr. and Mrs. Right! This one is for you.
Love is a fabulous thing. I wish, you’d hear me say it as the most hopeful of romantics. I may have not, turned out to be, the relationships person I’ve always considered myself, though. Or at least going through thick and thin in relationship department have made me reconsider. Love, on the other hand, has always been a close companion and i find our relationship more intimate and satisfying than ever before.
How was i not to be romantic? I am, after all, a poetess. I’ve lived my poetry and it has lived through me, while every verse stung my throat with intoxicating, bittersweet taste of my affairs. I never got to be bitter, though. Disappointed perhaps, but never bitter. I have overcome the resentment, the blame, guilt and sentimentality and it has been long enough since i have fully forgiven the past. I am now a young woman, feeling my life as nearly starting — with understanding gained, vitality replenished and empowerment that took years to build. All this gives me the feeling of being already way ahead of the curve. It wasn’t always like this. I’ve went though number of metamorphosis in my becoming. Finding myself beautiful in every way, means that it was all worth it.
I know that i mention these “negative” things from my partnerships, that maybe make it seem as if though they were all like that, but they weren’t. It just took me a while to understand the purpose of these shared experiences, and understand people who shared them with me. For that was I about to become more of myself — to peel off layer after layer of conditioning and reach out to a clearer, more compassionate perception, by cleaning all the windows that made the world seem dirty.
I am most definitely not the one to encourage others to engage in resentment towards their potential or previous partners, or engage in slander just for sake of comforting someones ignorance. My potential partners may not be too thrilled about this, but i do adore every and each partner I’ve ever been with, and i treasure them deeply, regardless of shattered illusions at the time. This may be difficult for some to understand, but for these shattered illusions I happen to value them even more — for in their ruins have I found myself. These people were just who they were, and at the time, they were exactly what I’ve needed.
This goes both ways: I would never be too impressed with someone throwing gutter on their former partners. I will avoid going into their potential motives for doing that, since the list might turn out longer than I’d like. Just pay in mind with whoever you might be seeing at the time, that their past is not anyhow your competitor. In fact, I’d find it as something to be grateful for, since each experience has in some way, contributed to help them evolve into the person you care for today. Besides, negative attachment is more of an attachment than one might think. The only reason you might actually enjoy your partners bashing on their exes, is your own insecurity.
This may come as a surprise and perhaps even a shock to some, but I’ve personally, never believed in commitment and fidelity to another person. Yes, of course, I understand there is such a thing as a mutual agreement, but this agreement essentially is just an attempt of making complex things simpler, as if our feelings and desires can be turned on and off, depending on what we’ve agreed upon. This agreement, is a way states that from that one point in time, we will mutually support a certain dynamic and fit expectations related to it. For that, we would often have to sacrifice authenticity, otherwise this particular dynamic would be threatened. I guess, that would make our “ideal partner” to be just someone who follows through this mutual agreement, and not someone with quirks and needs of their own, that make them who they truly are.
For this reason, in any case of infidelity, we feel betrayed — because upon mutual agreement, we have also given each other the unspoken permission to project entire set of expectations onto the relationship and upon each other. When we feel betrayed, what we truly feel is that this person has failed to fit the frame of our expectations, and all that after they gave us the permission to expect. If they had not give us this permission, perhaps it would slightly cushion the blow.
From my perspective though, one cannot be true to another before being true to oneself. This means that another can never truly betray me — whenever they are acting out of alignment with their own truth (including their feelings and desires), they are entirely betraying themselves. It also hurts them much more than it would ever possibly hurt me, as there is no greater pain than living a lie. It goes completely against the nature of ones soul, and it’s bound to be felt and deeply. I also like the idea, of someone being with me out of their commitment to themselves. I don’t want someone to simply be with me by any means, I also want them to be with me for all the right reasons. If I can’t have that, what else can I ask for? Somewhere deep down , you know that you too, deserve that sort of integrity in your relationships and genuine affection.
I’d like to digress, though. Mainly because I find it significant to explain why I find that love and romantic relationships are not one and the same. This also has a lot to do with commitment towards oneself. First and foremost, feeling of love doesn’t necessarily imply compatibility. Secondly, because we so often confuse true love with attachment. This attachment is not particularly attachment to the person, as much as our own idea about what our relationship with them should be. On another note, since every person is just a channel of universal love, not much different from ourselves, we attach our intention onto this specific channel, when we assume this to be the only person who we can find happiness with. But if our true intention is in fact, happiness itself, then our state of happiness can serve as a powerful internal compass, when it comes to our choice of partners and relationships. This compass is always able to lead us back to self love and commitment to it. The state of happiness is either there or it isn’t…and it has nothing to do with instant gratification.
Our attachment is the one to prevent us from moving forward from what doesn’t feel good. It is as if, we become afraid to admit to even ourselves, when we are not feeling satisfied within a relationship. So we compromise. Anxious, afraid, needy, clingy? Why are we even bothered to invest our energy, time an emotions into not living up to our ultimate truth? Can it be any further from love?
Happily ever after? I make of it whatever pleases me.
Can it be further from self love, when we believe we need to manipulate another into giving a fuck about us and treating us with dignity? The only thing that can really come out of it, is not ever feeling enough. Not being enough, not doing enough — just more of the same, since it’s the exact feeling that put us in that situation in the first place. In our attachment to this type of thought forms, we got so used to making a standard out of dissatisfaction. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be happy. The only reason we put up with poor treatment is our lack of trust that we deserve better or can be treated otherwise, our lack of self love which it’s based on, and yes, our attachment.
This however, doesn’t really make another a bad person, or you unworthy — it just makes them incompatible with you. What makes the whole difference, is that when you truly love someone, you can end the relationship without dispute, in all understanding and compassion for both — because you don’t allow incompatibility to stand in the way of love. You stop trying to mold this person into something other from who they are, and you stop disowning yourself in order to fit their ideal. In acceptance of your incompatibility you encompass compassion and acceptance not only for both of you as you are, but also for the path you are meant to thread. When you truly love yourself and another, you allow things to unfold as they should. This way, you detach from the outcome and love becomes the goal in itself.
When you are standing in your truth — everything else aligns accordingly. A good way to manifest amazing relationships is to start building a good relationship with yourself. People may come and go, and all relationships are right for the purpose they are meant to serve. Every partner you’ve ever had was Mr. or Mrs. Right at the time. When we grow out of a specific vibration, we simply start attracting different versions of Mr. or Mrs. Right, because they are meant to align with this new, evolved version of ourselves. I’ve personally found, that my former partners, at the time they’ve tried to rekindle our connections, were simply in love with the person I’ve used to be — which is pretty far from who I found myself to be today. Even if our common past comes with comforting sense of familiarity, it can only be used as a foundation to be built upon — anew. Old fame just ain’t gonna cut it. So the question is — can you, as you are now, and I — as i am now be compatible?
We live in a benevolent universe — whatever is made for us, will make itself fully available in due time. If something or someone is not available in any way — this is your red light signal, letting you know to move in a different direction. At least for the time being. The key is to let things align. I am not the type to settle, and honestly, not much of a waiter either. There’s something so frustrating about having your life on hold, you know? We spend so much time frustrated and anxious, ready to miss out on huge portions of our life experiences, just for the idea we might be missing out on this one thing we gave all importance to. Being available to your desires manifestation, means to remain open to all possibilities life can offer. Make each moment your own.
As much as someone might think of me as an idealist, I don’t believe that I idealize others. We are all created in a certain way for a reason, and there is a glimpse of heaven within each, so it is not something that needs to be made up. This however, does not prevent me from seeing the nature of our connections and relationships, and also does not prevent me from seeing if this particular connection aligns with what i want exclusively for myself. It took me a while before i understood the importance of putting myself first. In that commitment and dedication to myself I’ve learn to validate every aspect of my being — my needs, my emotions, my purpose — and in that I’ve started to embody authenticity which others can relate to or not, depending on who they are and where they are in their stage of growth — not having to overthink whether they fit in the list I’ve made up in my mind through trial and error, in my lack of trust.
You can never go wrong in choosing yourself. When you do that, and you have to be doing it continuously on a smaller and larger scale, as situations present themselves as a choice. Choosing yourself brings you to level of integrity, that essentially benefits you as much as everyone else. You don’t have to waste time and energy suppressing your true nature or nature of your desires and standards, and so you stop being square peg attempting to fit the round hole.You don’t have to manipulate anyone into loving you, and so the love you receive is always genuine…doesn’t that feel good? You also accept others as they are, even if it doesn’t align with your intentions, and in that way, you become open to receive what is truly meant for you. If there can be one type of attachment i would recommend, it would be to attach your intention to your state of happiness — so that you understand that you are The One to make you happy…
…and you’ve had that power all along.
