Your thoughts about life vs. Life
Life begins way outside of your comfort zone, you know?
You know, when I quit college 8 exams before getting my degree,
I always intuitively felt like I was never going to need it.
I quit so that I could pursue the process self discovery,
or my true authentic self, rather than what everyone else though I should be, or what their perception of success was -
risking to feel like a failure, because that’s not what my environment was teaching me, or looked like as an example.
I’ve realized that college degree wasn’t going to give me the the confidence I needed, because no one truly had that certainty after getting it.
The uncertainty was still going to be there, and I decided to accept it sooner rather than later.
It’s a mighty big world out there. It’s a world of limitless unexplored potential and that can never be a bad thing.
I’ve had to embrace not knowing who I was, or who I was meant to become -
In order to truly begin searching for myself.
I was already digging deep into astrology until that point. Started to figure out my patterns and karma in my relationships.
Then there was that “Dark night of the Soul” process of shedding many layers, which looked like depression, when truly I was immersed in my shadow,
So I quit college, after a long while pretending that I’ve had any interest left, putting on a show for my family out fear of disappointing them, because they’ve invested so much in my education,not just financially — I quit.
Not only the college but everything that it represented — me, lying to myself about knowing who I really was and what I truly felt, so that I could be everything for everyone, living someone else’s ideas of my life. Living out of alignment with myself.
And that was fine, because, as I said — i didn’t really know about myself all that much anyways, but my openness and willingness to learn, THAT changed everything.
Could you at least love me for my courage? The courage to leave myself behind, so that I could make space for a much vaster grander version of myself and go beyond to an expanded idea of what my Life could be. And it could be anything.
And that was around 2012 when my “DNoS” process was already in deep. I took charge of my life, and took responsibility for MY CREATION.
And I’ll tell you more. In 2008 I had a situation that was an awakening for me. I saw the striking image of a person so dissatisfied with their life, between 50 and 60 of age, that I promised myself to never have that regret of having the feeling that my life was wasted, if i was to look back. I gave myself the permission to take some time to question before making any conclusions or commitments. I didn’t mind making “mistakes”, I just wanted them to at least be my own. And I owed my decisions the benefit of the doubt, before assuming and concluding they would lead to failure.
Uncertainty can be just that good. You don’t really know until you try.
Who knows, perhaps it was the moment that changed my course. Or maybe it was something else. Maybe it was an entire sequence of events to make my life so fucking amazing as it is today.
If i hadn’t taken the time and those risky, bold decisions in my early 20’s, I would not be the person serving you with all this knowledge and skills that I’ve got today,
I would be too busy doing shit that has zero relevance to my authentic life.
In times like this, I AM SO FUCKING GRATEFUL trusting myself enough to embrace that uncertainty. This is when it makes sense, has a purpose and it’s totally fucking worth it.
